A Tear For A Life
Posted: 05/27/2008 at 12:20PM |
This is a paper I wrote for a writing club recently, and I thought I would share it....
She watched in silence, she watched from her space in the corner where no one noticed her. She watched as everyone in the whole building was having fun, everyone but her.
There was laughter in the air, the buzz of talking over music playing. All eyes sparkled with joy and fun, it was an awesomely happy night for these people, who they hoped it would not end ever.
Her eyes didn’t sparkle, she wished with all her heart the whole painful thing would end, or if it didn’t end she wished she could even disappear into the wall that she held against. No one would remember her, no one would care, they would all go on having a night of their lives.
A flair of laughter like fire rose from the crowd. Like the flame that is was to her it came up and nipped at her face so that she bent her head down clenching her teeth and closed her eyes. She tried to blot out the giggles, the too happy music, but it all seemed to rush at her, threatening her, laughing cruelly at her.
It all mocked her. The music taunted her seemingly two left feet, the conversations were all inside jokes she never would be a part of, the lightheartedness of the crowd would crumble at her clumsiness, the giggles all around laughed at her because they knew she wouldn’t amount to anything.
Then, slowly, a tear, a tear for all she was worth, for all that she had ever wished for, began to form. It welled up in her eyes and then slowly cascaded down her face.
For a moment, it was as if all the noise ceased to her, the tear that held her whole wanting life slid off her cheek and went at a gasping speed crashing to the floor.
With an almost deafening explosion the tear hit the tile floor and shattered. A tear for all the million hurts, loneliness, and hopelessness non of these people could even imagine her having.
She shattered with it, though she cried no more she felt as if she lost her heart and all feeling. Lost herself for good and nothing could regain her to the world.
The people who were all still partying all blurred into a mass of colors before her eyes, the noise too morphed into a loud roar that made no distinct sound.
Her legs seemed to turn to Jell-O as she slid on the wall down to the floor, there she tucked her knees up to her face and hide it there. She felt as if all life had been drained from her.
Just when she thought maybe she was falling out of it something made her look up. Nothing in the drone of the noise changed, but as she slowly lifted her head there seemed to be a figure coming towards her.
If she had any energy she probably would have tried to hide looking like this. But she couldn’t move beyond sinking her head back shamefully to her knees, and there was something about this figure that froze her to her place. However it was not fear, there was something soothing about this person that was overpowering.
The room was still a blur to her, the figure was now right in front of her but she didn’t lift her head. It lingeringly bent down to face her, and as she finally raised her head to see it their eyes met.
His eyes locked hers, not in a glaring way but gentle yet steady gaze, a gaze that seemed to seep into her. All the noise seemed to die away and all she could hear was her own breathing.
Time seemed to freeze as he held out his hand and without even thinking she took it and was suddenly standing as if she had never even been on the floor. His hand was as if it sent life flowing back into her vanes, all the time her eyes never leaving his.
As if a dream and with no words they started dancing. A beautiful dance like no other, not too fast yet not too slow. Made just for her. Though there appeared to be music if you listened there was not, still they were without fault in time with it.
Tears began to flow down her face onto his shoulder where she laid her head. Not tears of sorrow, but tears of great joy that no words can or ever will describe.
Time wasn’t known as they danced, they just danced and danced, each one never missing a step. Always perfectly together.
Then, it was as if he picked her up into the most wonderful hug and with almost as a breathe of wind, he whispered in her ear; “I love you.”
It filled her with happiness and joy untold. A warmth surged all over her like a huge blanket, and she cried and laughed with a love that would never die.
~Lnaa
music thoughts and struggles
Posted: 04/18/2008 at 01:48PM |
Fact: I love music. I can get completely lost in certain music and just sink into my own world, same happens sometimes when I play an instrument. I hit the really really really like point and I'm gone. 
I've been playing around with piano for close to two years but only this school year have gotten serious about it, so mark that I've only played for a really short time so I'm not good by any means but...my favorite time on the piano is just playing whatever comes to me. I think, maybe God has given me a small gift for that? I have two full pieces that I've 'composed' (if you will). Only my family have heard them and they are simple, very simple and probably lame but I really enjoying doing it. I wish I could write songs with words and that, but I don't think that is what God has in store for me. My songs are simple to the fullest degree, but I hope to grow more with the more I learn. It's so much easier to 'compose' stuff on the piano then on my violin!
My biggest hurtle right now is...I want to show someone what I have. I'm freaked out at the idea of actually showing someone because I'm afraid they won't like it or they'll laugh. But, on the other hand, I want to learn and grow, and the only way I can do that is if someone else hears them. It's even more intimidating though that like all of my friends have played or play piano really well.
So I'm not sure what to do, if this is something God has given me I don't want to try to hide what He is doing. But it's just scary, as in most things to have someone point out all the flaws in something you've made, that you hold kinda special in a way. So maybe this is a prayer? That I would step out and not be afraid of what others think or say, and that I'd grow in everything God has in mind for me.
cheers y'all
Lnaa
realizing maybe it wasn't such an amazing idea
Posted: 03/28/2008 at 09:29AM |
Okay so you probably already know I love taking pictures, and am getting serious about it. I have a huge amount of pics from everything you can think of on the computer. (I basically take the camera with me everywhere) Lately though I got on this kick to get a lot of them printed and put them in photo albums. Great idea I was really excited about it. Saved up money, got albums and now got the pics printed.
I made three base albums, one of friends, one of family then one of some of my 'good' photos. I 'finished' the friends one first, and then that is where I realized my flaw. I'm really thrilled that I now have them in much easier form to show people and look through myself. I took it to my friend's house with me and yeah, okay so showing them didn't go exactly how I planned but it was fine. Now...they who have wanted to see it did, and not really are they going to be like 'oh let me see that again!' sometime. Once is enough. That kinda popped my bubble because now I'm the only person who will be looking through them...sure I'll keep adding pics but it's pointless to ask everyone to look through the whole thing again. It's just kinda hard for me because I love sharing things, I love looking through memories with people. But I'm also pretty scared at actually showing people my pics. And I do not want to shove them down people's throats.
So I don't really know where I'm going with this, I guess I'm just sharing my disappointment. It's like the post big event thing isn't it? You wait forever, counting down the days until it comes, then when it comes it's all over with a flash. And that's it. It's done. Well, so maybe people won't look at my albums, really in the grand scheme does it matter that much? No, it probably doesn't, and even if no one else sees them I'll still have them to look back at, and remember all the good times. God bless and cheers. L...
an ode to our white Easter
Posted: 03/23/2008 at 04:46AM |
I'm dreaming of a green Easter
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the trees are budding
and children running
to see bunnies in the yard
I'm dreaming of a green Easter
with every Easter egg I find
May your days be happy and warm
And may all your Easters be sweet!
the point?
Posted: 03/19/2008 at 01:42AM |
So last night a bunch of my friends got together just to hang out. It turned out that it was only us girls who were able to come, so then I found myself sitting smashed between my friends watching Northanger Abbey. Okay there is nothing wrong with that movie at all, I kinda liked it (from what I was able to understand from the bad tape it was on) BUT, why did we have to watch a movie? What then did we do together? We sat in front of the TV and stared at it. Woo hoo yeah that time together.
I just don't really get why we HAD to watch a movie, why we couldn't just hang out and talk. So it was the last day on some friends trip here from PA, and I didn't really do anything with them besides sit next to them and watch a movie. What's the fascination that hanging out=watch a movie? Ha, it's not like we ever run out of things to talk about, so it's not just like something to do to spend time together.
So even though I enjoyed the movie, I'm sad that I didn't get to do more with the peeps from PA...
something new
Posted: 02/25/2008 at 12:10PM |
Here it be, my first blog. Even though probably no one will ever read these I'm really excited about the idea of having a blog.
So, it's all something new for me, new to ZoeCity, new to anything like this actually. (I know gasp, I've never done MySpace or Facebook) New to blogging, new to everything. I'm kinda intimidated by everything, not knowing anyone...you know. But I hope I can fit in somehow. And I'm really excited that ZoeCity is faith based, being surrounded by people who love the Lord is just cool.
Didn't really start this with a topic in mind, so I guess I'll end here and come back later since I'm really just seeing how everything works.
God bless!
cheers,
L.....